The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
