my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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