Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
