Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
