Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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