I think I won the penis lottery.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You ate ashes out of my bong
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize