It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Someone came in the potted fern
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
