Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
