I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
