I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
