please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
