Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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