she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize