if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
