So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize