one might say we're banned from that church
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
