Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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