You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
