If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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