i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
