Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
its liver damage thursday
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
