i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
