You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
