plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
