Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize