I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
