Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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