Say something about gay babies.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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