The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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