My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i am craving dick and cupcakes
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
