you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
