I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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