dude i'm inner monologue high
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
