Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize