also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
