i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Boobs are out for the taking
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
