she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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