I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
