I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
