We need to rekindle our bromance
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
