If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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