Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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