took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Best friends brother. Beat that.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Can I color on your dick again?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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