I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
