Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
