I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
