Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
