i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
