You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
it's like heaven, but drunker
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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