You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
