when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
