The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
