Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
