HIV tests are more positive than that guy
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
