Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
