my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You're like the curious george of whores
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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