When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
