I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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