That's when you crack a 10am beer
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
