she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
