My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
