i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
