We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
