Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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