Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
