I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
