I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
