yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
