Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
